Dad
My Dad left us a year ago today. I wrote the below for his life celebration and am thinking about him today and everyday:
Thank you all so much for your outpouring of love and affection for my Dad. It’s been comforting hearing about how he left an impression on so many people. He was the rock of our family and the best Dad we could have asked for.
For future generations who want to know what made Dad (and their Papi) so special and such a great father I made a little list:
Attitude: As one of his oldest and closest friends Gary Gartenberg put it…"He had the best attitude of anyone I ever met" I thought he would go forever. I recall him saying he was like the Everready battery - “take a lickin' and keep on tickin.”
As my Dad battled cancer his attitude kept him going. He never let it stop him from living his life. He perhaps stubbornly never wanted to bother anyone and insisted on carrying on as if he was 100% healthy at all times. I even recall him waterskiing very shortly after chemo. He had a ferocious will to live and a zest for life.
Positivity & Optimism: My Dad’s positivity is what allowed him to live for 10 years after being diagnosed. There was no setback too great and he kept the spirits of our family high. Those 10 years we got as a result of his positive thinking were priceless.
Friendly and Tender: My Dad had an infectious smile that he lit up a room with. He was great to be around, made you feel good, and offered advice when needed. This sweetness translated into a tender side that included his love of flowers and dachshunds. He was not a macho guy despite being a great athlete, loving our Caps & Nats, and being super strong. He served as a great role model to me which translated into my love of nature, animals, and the arts.
Patience: My Dad was supremely patient and calm. As Soren would say, he was the “silent pillar of strength.” He used to take me to the magic shop and wait for hours in the back as I watched trick after trick or continue throwing the baseball with me despite me winding up as hard as I could and regularly throwing it over his head.
Strength: Dad was a very strong guy. He had thick leathered mitts for hands (calloused from playing handball and tennis in his youth). He threw a baseball hard, was a star tennis player in high school, and lugged everything from firewood to glitter around our house. He endured rounds of chemo like Rocky takes uppercuts. He scraped himself off the mat time and time again leading us to believe “he would go forever”
Humor: Dad would always win at cards against humanity and loved a good piece of gossip to riff on. He also had his share of Dad jokes and Dadisms. He even had a signature move he did when he was revved up which involved swinging his hand above his head and yelling “wahoo!” He used this move from everything from the hora to riding camels in Morocco.
Inclusive and welcoming: Our doors were always open (we literally never locked our door) and we were exposed to many different cultures from a young age. We now have lifelong friends from around the world and I’m now Max Sharma. Dad made you feel like you were part of the family... which you are.
Great Cook: My Dad was famous for his ribs, fries, & pies. He also made a mean latke. He was the grill master and very protective of his range and marble. On the weekends he made Chocolate chip pancakes with berries and insisted we sit and he serve us.
Cool: My Dad was cool. His senior year of college was the summer of 69 and he had a giant jew fro, sideburns, and at times a mustache. His favorite band was the Cream and that’s the first concert he saw with my Mom. While at Madison he took a group of underprivileged kids to see James Brown and they met him backstage. He had tickets to see the show Otis Redding was on his way to play but didn’t make it to. He bartered Peter Max a painting for a glass sculpture he had custom made in Venice. He learned to water ski in his 50’s. Mark Klausner was a badass.
Other fun facts: He grew up a Brooklyn Dodgers fan and his favorite player was Duke Snider. He blew up a teachers mailbox in high school with fireworks. He was chased from his sleeping bag by a bear in Yosemite. His college roommate wrote Honey I Shrunk the Kids and gave him the nickname Jav. His favorite dessert was the Isla flotante. He loved his funky socks and Keith Herring shirts. He loved family time in the South of France.
In the end we got to spend 4 months together because of Covid. This was a special time and a sort of farewell tour.
Going back to his cancer diagnosis, we lived every month from that day as if the time was precious. We savored every moment, went all out for every holiday and vacation, & made family priority. We did this for 10 YEARS. Living life knowing it’s finite makes you prioritize the things that matter. While we’ll always miss him WE MADE THE TIME COUNT. This lesson will be one of the most enduring along with the traits from my Dad I hope to learn from and instill in his Grandchildren.
I'll close with a father's day card we unearthed from when I was 10…
"Dad, I love you more than anything in the world, and Katie and I are the two luckiest kids in the world. I love you Dad
My Dad was lucky to have you all in his life. You made his life rich. Love you all.